Interruption to a Journey
by MelxxWhoLuvsYa
Summary: After a tragedy that occurs during a case deeply effects Ryan, Natalia seems to be the only one who can help.
1. Chapter 1

**Interruption To A Journey**

**Summary: **After a tragedy that occurs during a case deeply effects Ryan, Natalia seems to be the only one who can help.

**Genre: **Hurt/Angst/Comfort/Friendship

**Spoilers: **mentions of "Fallen" and "Mayday" (Jack Toller is mentioned below), minor character death.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own nor profit from CBS or the CSI franchise – this story is simply for your entertainment purposes only. The poem_ Interruption to a Journey _is property of Norman Mac Craig.

**Pairings: **Suggestions of Ryan/Molly. Ryan/Natalia friendship.

**Author's Note: **For those of you who wouldn't know, Interruption to a Journey is by an Irish poet, Norman Mac Craig and is one of my favourite poems of all time. I had to study it in school and one day, the idea for this two-shot popped into my head, (But of course, Ryan is always somewhere in my mind =)

It's only a Ryan/Natalia friendship this time, no shipping. However check my profile if you are looking for some RaiN, either I or some of my favourite'd authors on this site will have something to tickle your fancy. But for now, I hope you enjoy (you could always let me know with a review *winkwink*)

* * *

The slam of a steel locker echoed through the empty locker room, heavy breathing followed the silence. Pressing his forehead to the cold door, Ryan Wolfe tried to calm himself.

_How could this-...happen?_

Feeling the pain rack through his whole body, Ryan closed his eyes, hoping to escape the reality that tortured him so much. Subconsciously, his hands balled into fists, chest shaking with suppressed sobs.

_She was just there, right there! How can she be...this isn't right!_

After the forth punch to his locker door, Ryan realised his hands were hurting. Through the angered numbness, he heard a small breath, a pair of concerned eyes watching his lash-out.

"What you looking at?"

Though his voice was more venomous than he attended, Ryan cared more about getting some nosey lab tech away from him than sounding polite. Roughly, he opened his locker, disappearing behind the steel, rummaging through his tidy locker.

"I came down to check on you."

Muscles tensing, Ryan stood up straight out of his locker, head bowed in shame.

"I'm fine." He breathed coldly, rolling his eyes when he heard the approaching click of high heels.

_I should have known it'd take more than that to get rid of her._

Feeling his lips tighten into a grimace, he turned away from his locker.

"Natalia, I'm fine. Now will everyone stop bugging me?"

Regretting the anger that leaked through his voice, Ryan sighed heavily but said nothing. Silently kicking himself when he noticed the small crease etch on Natalia's forehead.

"Ryan, we're worried about you."

Barely letting Natalia finish, Ryan turned sharply, brow burrowing over narrowed eyes.

"Well don't! I'm fine! I didn't get shot today! I get to go home! Just leave me alone!"

Recoiling from Ryan's harsh tone, Natalia took a deep breath.

_He needs to talk, even if he doesn't want to._

"Ryan...what happened today-"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Ryan, please you have to talk to someone-"

"No I don't!" he growled, "Nat, there's nothing to say, please just leave me alone."

Staring into his pained eyes, Natalia sighed, retreating to her own locker. After quickly grabbing a few personal items – hesitating before taking out a folded piece of paper from the back - she closed it softly, walking towards Ryan.

"You may not want to talk, but will you please read this?"

Curiously, Ryan took the folded piece of paper. Looking back up from his hands, he noticed gentleness in Natalia's gaze. It wasn't pity, but more like compassion, acknowledging his loss.

"Trust me, it'll help you."

Giving his shoulder a small, supportive rub, Natalia left without another word. Listening to the locker room door swing silently to a close, Ryan began unfolding the paper. He instantly recognised Natalia's handwriting.

_Interruption to a Journey by Norman Mc Craig_

"Poetry?" he questioned lowly. Frowning deeply, a sigh escaped Ryan. No matter what Natalia said, a piece of paper wasn't going to help him recover from the day's tragic events. Taking out his wallet and keys, Ryan closed his locker, ready to hunt down something that would help ease the pain.

_I need a beer._

* * *

Stumbling through his kitchen, Ryan chugged another beer, barely swallowing a mouthful of the cold, sour liquid before pushing the bottle to his lips.

_This isn't working,_ he frowning, hunting through his cabinets,_ I need something stronger._

Smirking to himself, Ryan pulled the bottle of Jack Daniels from the back of his cupboard and struggled towards the living room, not caring to take a glass with him.

_Now,_ he thought sarcastically as he dropped onto his couch, _now this is a party._

Opening the whiskey, Ryan hastily drank from the bottle, only stopping when the burning of his tongue had become too much to bear.

Flinching as he placed the bottle down on his coffee table, Ryan sat in silence. He tried looking for a distraction, a speckle of dirt, a photo frame hanging crookedly – he found nothing.

Before the horrid reminders of his day could surface, Ryan quickly grabbed the whiskey bottle, diverting his thoughts to the sickly burn of his throat. Even through the fiery drink, the images attacked him.

_Escaped convict...prowling Miami...he should have caught Toller quicker...stopped him from finding Molly..._

_Molly..._

Growling out, Ryan chugged the ends of the Jack Daniels, letting the bottle slip from his sweaty grip. His memories blurred with his disoriented vision, leaving him nowhere to hide from the haunting images.

_Molly had called him only an hour before...staying after work while he was patrolling with Horatio...waiting for their second coffee date..._

'_If I didn't ask her to, she wouldn't have been in the parking lot when Toller showed up...with his gun...'_

Running both hands through his unusually messy hair and fisting them tightly, Ryan clenched his jaw, ready to lash out. Growling, he jumped up from the couch, stumbling to his bedroom. Seeing red, he grabbed his bed sheets, furiously ripping them off the bed and throwing them to the floor in a heap.

He was still angry, the liquor didn't help...he needed to lash out all his frustration.

Approaching his bedside locker, Ryan dragged the drawers out and dumped them on the floor – he then kicked over the locker, not caring for the smashed lamp.

Next were the pillows, he carelessly threw them across the room. Approaching his wardrobe and flinging the doors open, Ryan began tossing his clothes out, not caring about the destruction.

It seemed to help, at least once he was done, then he could clean up, and then do it again. He could continue the cycle until the drunken tiredness would consume.

'_But then there'll be nightmares...'_

Shaking his head furiously, Ryan focused on carelessly flinging clothes over his shoulder. First he started with his T-shirt pile, barely noticing how he was destroying his colour coordination lay-out of his shirts.

After tugging a few pairs of jeans from their hangers, Ryan felt a soft thud against his thigh. Glancing down, he noticed a square of folded paper slide down his leg. Curiously he reached down, carefully picking it up and opening it.

'_What the-?'_

Though his vision was heavily blurred, Ryan could read the page, it took him a few seconds to remember where he'd gotten it from.

"Interruption to a Journey, by Norman Mc Craig." He read aloud. Blinking a few times to refocus his sight, Ryan read the rest of the poem.

_The hare we had run over  
bounced about the road  
on the springing curve  
of its spine._

"Wait-what?" Ryan gasped, eyes widened he re-read the first stanza. Standing up, walking through the carnage he had created, he sat on the edge of his bed, leaning forward as he carefully read the next passage.

_Cornfields breathed in the darkness._  
_We were going through the darkness and_  
_the breathing cornfields from one_  
_important place to another._

"He killed a hare..." Ryan realised, frowning deeply as the scenario took place in his mind. _'How did Natalia think this would help?'_

Shaking himself, Ryan began reading the next stanza.

_We broke the hare's neck_  
_and made that place, for a moment,_  
_the most important place there was,_  
_where a bowstring was cut_  
_and a bow broken for ever_  
_that had shot itself through so many_  
_darkness's and cornfields._

Feeling sick – though maybe from the alcohol – Ryan lay down on the bed on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. Now comfortable, he continued reading.

_It was left in that landscape._  
_It left us in another._

Still queasy, Ryan's frown sunk even lower after reading the last line. "So he just leaves it there?" he questioned, feeling a new rage burn through his veins, he crumbled the paper into a ball, throwing it into the rest of the destruction in his bedroom.

_What the hell was she thinking? How is a dead rabbit meant to make me feel better?_

Grumbling to himself, Ryan lowered his head to the mattress, regretting having thrown his pillows away. Drifting into an uneasy sleep, his dreams were filled with gunshots; Molly's fading eyes and dead hares surrounded by cornfields.

* * *

**A very angst-y first chapter I know, and sorry to any Molly fans but her death was crucial to the plot.**

**Enjoy it? Love it? Hate it? Drop a line and let me know ;)**

**- Mel**


	2. Chapter 2

Closing his locker as quietly as he could – though the small squeak still rung painfully through his hung-over mind – Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes drifting to a close as he pressed his forehead to the steel locker door. The coldness was soothing.

_Click, click, click, click._

Sighing, Ryan knew exactly who had just entered the once empty locker room. The only person who – like him – would come in on a supposed day off.

_Being at home wasn't helping..._

Having woken up with a splitting headache and re-organising his bedroom, Ryan knew he had to keep himself occupied. Even though the lab would be pitying, if he could engross himself in enough cold cases, then the team's eyes and annoying caring comments could be ignored.

_Click, click, click, click._

Ryan rolled his eyes, _'all except one...'_

"Hey..."

Natalia had spoken so softly that Ryan considered pretending not to have heard her. Sighing, he pulled himself away from the locker, sitting on the bench, he looked to her for a moment before turning his gaze to the ground.

"Hey."

Though his tone wasn't inviting, Natalia still approached, standing in front of him.

"You do know it's your day off right?"

Numbly, Ryan nodded; the hangover was still killing him, talking seemed too painful to even attempt. Hearing a sigh, he felt Natalia sit next to him on the bench.

"I stopped by earlier, but I guess you were here...this was my second guess actually."

Only receiving a slight grunt in response, Natalia took a deep breath before deciding to dive straight into the deep end.

"Did you read it?" she asked softly, studying his face carefully.

Letting out an annoyed huff, Ryan glanced at her, "Yeah, I did."

"And?"

He huffed again, "Didn't make me feel any better."

Though once wanting to be alone, Ryan felt the anger from the night before after reading the poem.

_How was that supposed to make me feel better? What was she thinking?_

Looking sideways at Natalia, Ryan took a deep breath; he wanted those questions answered.

"I never knew you liked poetry," he started, forgetting his past irritation. A flicker of a smile passed over Natalia's lips as she shifted slightly on the bench.

"Not really," she admitted, taking a moment before speaking, "my therapist thought it would help me...after Jesse..."

Ryan's eyes widened slightly, completely forgetting his own anguish he slid a little closer to her. "I thought you said you were okay after..._that _?"

Natalia chuckled without humour, "I tried telling myself that too, but" she shuddered a breath, "...I just kept feeling guilty..."

Ryan's anger simmered, sitting beside her on the bench, he leaned forward, catching her eye and waiting for her to continue.

"If I had woken up quicker...If I had been strong enough like you or Eric to fight the gas...he could still be here..."

Seeing the shine of tears form in her eyes, Ryan frowned. Reaching forward, he took her hand.

"That wasn't your fault Nat...we were all down, we all could have died...Jesse's death wasn't your fault."

Through the watery smile, Ryan saw a hidden look. He knew exactly what she meant.

_Molly's wasn't your fault either..._

Seeing him breathe deeply, as though hurt, Natalia tried changing the subject. "I had the same reaction when I read it," she admitted, "but then he told me why I was so angry at him – and it made sense."

Raising her head a little, Natalia looked him in the eye with a weary smile. "The first line really hit you, didn't it?" he nodded. "Me too."

"I got mad at the writer," Ryan admitted sheepishly, for some reason, he _wanted _to say what he thought of the poem, he _wanted _to talk to Natalia about his feelings.

"I mean, I know it was just a little hare but he just left it there after _he _killed it. Sure it was a mistake and he felt bad but he just drove off like nothing happened."

"Did he?" Natalia questioned softly, earning a confused gaze from Ryan.

She sighed, "Do you have it with you?" he nodded, pulling the folded sheet from his jeans pocket and opening it. Holding it out for Natalia to read, he watched as she softly pointed to the last stanza of the poem.

_It was left in that place,  
It left us in another._

"You see?" Natalia breathed softly to Ryan, her head resting on his shoulder, watching him read the sheet with confusion.

"_It left us in another'_ killing that hare was a mistake, the poet admits that." She stopped, looking up slightly as Ryan nodded slowly. "But he also knows there's nothing he could have done to stop it, so he moves on."

Softly Natalia lifted her head off of Ryan's shoulder, turning to look him caringly in the eye, watching the guilt pool within the hazel.

"Ryan, there's nothing you could have done. Even now, though it's hard to admit it, nothing can change, at the end of the day the facts are the same...she can't come back."

Ryan's eyes quickly darted to the floor, guilt and shame welling in tears. Feeling weak, he kept his gaze low.

"Ryan," Natalia breathed. Softly, she reached forward, cupping his face and gently tilting his head up to look at her.

"The past is the past, it can't hold onto you but you can hold onto it...and sometimes you gotta let it go."

As though the tears added a glow to his vision, Ryan began seeing Natalia in a new light. She – out of all people – knew what she was talking about. Out of everyone he knew, she was the one who had to battle her past demons the most – and be strong enough to defeat them.

With trembling lips, he spoke lowly in a hoarse whisper.

"Thank you."

Offering a small smile, Natalia lowered one hand to Ryan's shoulder, gently pulling him into a hug. Instantly she felt Ryan's arms wrap around her, the tenseness of his body faded into shaking.

"It's okay Ryan," she breathed, feeling the guilt and grief flood out of him, "just let it go." She whispered comfortingly, caringly holding his head to her shoulder, feeling tears welling in her eyes for each one that she felt fall to her shirt.

Clinging to Natalia like a lifeline, Ryan shut his eyes tightly, burying himself into her neck and welcoming her comforting hold. In the darkness of his mind, he heard her soft pleas.

"_Let it all go Ryan...it's okay."_

Inside his mind, Ryan found himself surrounded by cornfields, standing on a road that seemed to stretch on for eternity. A few feet ahead, lay a small creature – a dead hare. Running towards it, he noticed no rise or fall of the fury chest, no movement from the tiny animal.

_It's dead...I can't do anything..._

The hare disappeared in a blink. Further up the road, Ryan saw another body, pale features lay un-moving surrounded by curly blond hair. Feeling his heart beat through his chest, Ryan began sprinting up the road.

"_Molly!" _his voice echoed through the darkness of his mind. _"Oh God no! Molly!"_

As though an invisible force had grabbed his arm, Ryan was stopped, halfway from the pale lab tech's body. Franticly looking around, he realised no one was there.

"_It's okay Ryan..." _though it sounded distant, as though through a tunnel, Ryan recognised Natalia's voice. _"It's okay, let it go...just let it go."_

Frozen, Ryan looked at the blonde's body, feeling a sense of mournful detachment. A whisper travelled through the cornfields to him, as though carried by the wind.

"_It's okay Ryan...let me go..."_

With a pained frown, he looked back up the road to the body. Tearing his eyes away from the sight, he slowly began walking down the road, past where he had found the hare, feeling the weight of guilt leave his shoulders with every step.

_She's dead...I can't do anything..._

With that thought echoing through his mind, Ryan opened his eyes, finding no more tears about to fall. Carefully, he pulled out of Natalia's embrace, ruggedly wiping his eyes with his forearm.

"Thank you..." his voice was louder than before, no longer choked by anguish.

Taking his hand and stroking the strong knuckles with her thumb, Natalia offered a small smile.

"Anytime."


End file.
